Am I? Sometimes I think so. I think Collin thinks I am. I know he thinks I only chose nursing because Mom pushed me into it, and maybe he's partially right. Am I super passionate about it? Not really. But at the same time, there isn't much that I can really see myself doing. Without being too down on myself, I need to be realistic. I'm 28 years old. I am a single mother. I need to find something that supports Maddie and me. I can't waste time wanting to be a journalist, or hoping to win the lottery. So what I hope for instead is to be able to provide a stable life for us. I want a house with a backyard. I want to be able to buy things just because, without needing to worry that I can't afford food later. I don't want Maddie to ever feel like she has had to go without. Choosing to become a nurse gives me that opportunity to get a stable job, making good money.
I know that things are hard right now. I know that they will continue to be hard as time goes on. But I'm smart. I'm tough. I can do this. I just have to believe in myself. Everyone hits a snag now and then. I have to do this. I refuse to let school, A&P especially defeat me. I just need to dig down, and find that inner strength. I need to look at Maddie, and remember why I'm doing it. Because it's not about me anymore. Every time I see her face light up with a big smile, just because she sees me, makes my life so happy. I refuse to let myself fail that joyous smile.
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